Sunday, November 7, 2010

Confessions of a Third Wheel

This is my friend Clint.

Once, in one of our many playfights, I replied with the classic nerdy throwback, "well...YOUR MOM!", and without missing a beat, his retort was: My mom died. Thanks. And I thought he was serious. I believed him. I apologized and everything.

I went on thinking that his mom had passed for over two years.

So, that's right Clint; revenge is a dish best served in displaying your incredibly tight tights all over the internetz. Work it, baby, work it!

Last night, he drove over two hours to come and see me, and hang out with a potential love interest. It was a really nice night; we went to dinner downtown, and then - I'm still not quite sure how this happened - ended up dancing at a lesbian bar. And then he and his newly budding boyfriend spent the rest of the night on my couch talking about Marvel comic books and the premise behind Wonder Woman's character. "You can't watch Wonder Woman cartoons in the context of her being just another superhero - you have to think of her as a liberated woman in skimpy outfits with a boyfriend whose biggest virtue is that he doesn't want to get into her wonder panties." And on and on they went, two geeks in pre-Let's-Make-Out matrimonial bliss.

It was cuter than two puppies learning how to wag their tails at full speed.

And, it was a really nice thing to watch, as I sat in an armchair across from them, researching and grading papers at four in the morning. We always have this self-absorbed complaint floating around in the US that we're always the bridesmaids and never the bride (ignoring the fact that the bridesmaids outnumber the bride like three to one, and that if they worked together, they could take that marrying heifer out before anyone, anywhere could even eek out a single mazel tov!), but think about it. We all know people in relationships, and how many of them tend to last? Cooing couples are everywhere, and yet virtually non-existent in this regard. Why complain about how their couple-ness is not your couple-ness? Why not enjoy the few brief moments of amor as they flash before your eyes as well as theirs? Is this not an amazing treat in and of itself?

So, yes, Clint. To answer your question - since you asked - I did feel like a third wheel last night. But, I felt like an awesome third wheel. The kind of third wheel who doesn't question happiness when he sees it. The kind of third wheel who appreciates the highs of young love.

The kind of third wheel with neon glow in the dark beads in its spokes.

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